Tuesday, March 17, 2009

survivor

Would you believe it !!!! - there is some hope!

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the A & E.

He must also make biscuits or cakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewellery, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 8:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:

each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labour, each child's favourite colour, middle name, favourite snack, favourite song, favourite drink, favourite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if... he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called Mum!

After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a laugh out of it and as many men as you think can handle it!

Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Be Selfish?

Gautam Buddha is passing near a village which consists of high caste brahmins only. They are very much against Gautam Buddha, they have all gathered outside the village to condemn him, to abuse him. He stands there listening to their abuse, their allegations, their lies. Even Ananda -- who has been with him all these years -- feels angry. Because they were born into a royal family: they were warriors, their whole training was to fight. But because Gautam Buddha is present, he controls himself; otherwise he would have killed one or two people then and there.

Gautam Buddha said to them, "You see that the sun is going to set soon, and we have to reach the other village before the sun sets. If you have not finished all that you wanted to say to me, I will make a point that when I return I set aside enough time to listen to you again. And in two days, I will be returning along the same route -- so it will be very kind of you if you can wait just two days."
One man from the crowd said, "You don't seem to be disturbed at all. And we are not just saying things to you -- we are abusing you, insulting you."

Gautam Buddha said, "You have come a little late. If you had come ten years before, you would not have gone back alive. I am also a warrior. There would have been bloodshed here; not a single man in this crowd would have gone back alive. But you have come a little late.

"In the village just before this village, people came with sweets and fruits. And we said, `We eat only once a day, and we have taken our food, so it would be very kind if you would take these things back with you. We are grateful.' What do you think they did with those sweets and those fruits?"

Somebody said, "They must have distributed them amongst themselves; they must have eaten them."

Buddha said, "You are intelligent. Do the same: whatever you have brought, I don't accept; take it back. Because unless I accept your insult, you cannot insult me; it is a two-way affair. It is your mouth, you can say anything -- but unless I accept it, you are just talking into the air. Just go home and say all these things to each other; enjoy. And I will be coming again after two days, so be ready."

They were shocked, and they could not believe -- what kind of man is this? When they moved on, Ananda said to Buddha, "This is too much. There were moments when I was going to jump and hit the man! Just because of you, I tried to control my temptation."

Buddha said -- and remember it -- he said: "What those people were saying has not hurt me.

What you are saying hurts me. You have been with me for so many years, and yet you are not aware enough to know what to take and what not to take? Can't you discriminate?"

I want you not to become missionaries; I want you to become messages.

And that is possible only if you are utterly selfish, so that before you start helping others, you have helped yourself; before you start enlightening other people, you are enlightened yourself.

That's what I mean by being selfish.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Unbeatable logic

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:


"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."


"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant`s arm to one year`s imprisonment. He may accompany it if he chooses to."


The defendant smiled. With his lawyer`s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Naming Ceremony

What ur name means....... .. check it out !!

Instructions : What you do is find out what each letter of your name means.

Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU. (Its TRUE) & (Is'nt it GRĂȘT !!)

If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.
For Example : MARK

M - Success comes easily to you.
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
R - You are a social butterfly.
K - You like to try new things..


A = You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B = You are always cautious when it comes to meeting newpeople.
C = You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D = You have trouble trusting people.
E =You are a very exciting person.
F = Everyone loves you.
G = You have exce! llent ways of viewing people.
H =You are not judgmental.
I =You are always smiling and making others smile.
J =Jealously
K =You like to try new things.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
M = Success comes easily to you..
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
O = You are very open-minded.
P =You are very friendly and understanding.
Q = You are a hypocrite.
R =You are a social butterfly.
S = You are very broad-minded.
T = You have an attitude, a big one.
U = You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V = You have a very good physique and looks.
W = You like your privacy.
X = You never let people tell you w! hat to do.
Y = You cause a lot of trouble.
Z = You're always fighting with someone.

CHECK YOU'RE NAME MEANING AND YOU WILL FIND THAT THIS IS TRUE..............

When U Were Only

When U Were Only 5 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Asked Me: "What Is It?"


When U Were 15 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Blushed.. U Look Down And Smile..


When U Were 20 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Put Ur Head On My Shoulder And Hold My Hand... Afraid That I Might Dissapear...


When U Were 25 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Prepare Breakfast And Serve It In Front Of Me, And Kiss My Forhead N Said : "U Better Be Quick, Is's Gonna Be Late.."


When U Were 30 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Said: "If U Really Love Me, Please Come Back Early After Work.."


When U Were 40 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Were Cleaning The Dining Table And Said: "Ok Dear, But It's Time For U To Help Our Child With His/Her Revision.."


When U Were 50 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U..
U Were Knitting And U Laugh At Me...


When U Were 60 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Smile At Me..


When U Were 70 Yrs Old. I Said I Love U...
We Sitting On The Rocking Chair With Our Glasses On.. I'M Reading Your Love Letter That U Sent To Me 50 Yrs Ago..With Our Hand Crossing Together..


When U Were 80 Yrs Old, U Said U Love Me!
I Didn't Say Anything But Cried...


That Day Must Be The Happiest Day Of My Life!
Because U Said U Love Me !!!


Please Appreciate Your Loved Ones.. Say "I Love You"
To Them When U Have The Chance Now !!!

Monday, March 2, 2009

The Joy Of Having Girls

My mother taught me to read when I was four years Old (her first mistake).

One day I was in the bathroom and noticed one of The cabinet doors was ajar.

I read the box in the cabinet.
I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom.

Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, She told me that those were for 'special occasions' (her second mistake).


Now fast forward a few months....
It's Thanksgiving Day,
And my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for Dinner.

Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone..
Mine was to set the table.

When they returned,
My uncle came in first and Immediately burst into laughter.


Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.
Next came my father, who roared with laughter.

Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when She saw each place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate, With the fork carefully arranged on top.

I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!


My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, My response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.

'But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!! '

Pass this on to your girlfriends who need a good Laugh or anyone who has a daughter!

Life is too short for drama and petty things, So Laugh insanely, Love truly, And forgive quickly....

And for heavens sake, Use the good napkins whenever you can!